Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Suicide: A Permanent Reaction to a Temporary Emotion

Remember - Depression is temporary. You do not get the Flu and say "That's it - I'm sick for life!  Don't do that over a bout of depression either. Do something healthy to get through the night - If it persists - just like the Flu - call a doctor.

Call 24/7 1-800-273-8255 

They also have a chat line: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


Robin's Gone
Everyone says he was a really nice guy in person, even to strangers. He also gave to charity anonymously - when the cameras were not rolling. He brought laughter to Millions - we will all miss him


What Can we Learn from This Tragic Loss?
He obviously had a brilliant mind, money, a loving family and was adored by millions. 
He didn't have to die. There were just things he didn't know. We learn how to read, How to drive a car.  But no one teaches us how to survive depression. Simple truths - if you think them through, can save your life or someone else s. 

Keep in mind, I'm sure his family did everything they could to help him. If someone really wants to kill themselves - no one can stop them. So never blame yourself or someone else for the actions of a person in that state of mind.

Help a Friend
Budget cuts have decimated our Mental Health System. We need each other more than ever. Reach out to a friend or family member who shows signs of depression. 

How to Talk to a Depressed Person
If you think someone is threatening suicide - call an EMT or a mental health professional. If you call 911 - They will ask if you need police or medical. If the person is unarmed and no threat to you or others - ask for medical. An ambulance and  EMT may be sent instead of police. If not - Police or not - better to have a them mad at you than dead. 

Alcohol and Drugs
First - ask them what they took or how much they drank. The EMT may need that information.
If they are drunk or drugged - discreetly hide or take the car keys, alcohol or other any substance they may use to harm themselves further.  If this person poses any threat  to your safety or the safety of others - call 911 and do not attempt this. 

In the case of an alcohol overdose alone  - get them to throw up and then drink water. If poison is involved - do not induce vomiting - just call 911. This one is a tough call. Getting them to go to sleep can end the night peacefully. At the same time - in the case of alcohol - if they did not throw up and drink a bottle or two of water -They may not wake up. If drugs are involved - the risk is even higher. If their life is in danger - call 911.

If they are sober and open to speaking with you - Here are some Quick Tips.
It's real easy to just tell someone what to do. Solve all the problems for them with quick advice. That is rarely effective. Human beings need sympathy when they are in pain. That includes emotional pain. People also do not want to feel alone in their thinking. Acknowledge that their pain is real. Because it is! Show sympathy for their situation. A broken heart is more painful than a broken leg.  Be ready to spend some time with them. Saving a life make take some time.

1. Stop Taking and Listen! You can't help if you can't hear. If possible -don't interrupt

2. If you have good advice or suggestions -ask them questions that may lead them to those answers. 

3. If they are sober - get them outside - take a walk with them or sit outside. Sunlight and exercise are anti - depressants. Deep, slow, breathing can add much needed oxygen to the brain - this is especially helpful if the individual is angry.

4. Remind them of things or people they love.  If they are discussing suicide - play out the scenario with them. Not in a sarcastic way.  Suicide is often an impulsive act. seriously discussing the ramifications can make them think before they act. Again, take the time to let them address those potential scenarios.Who will care for your animals? Or Who should assume the role of father or mother for your children? Reminding them they are needed can be helpful.

5. Make a plan to do something with them. Something they enjoy. Give them something to look forward to.  Let them know you need them in your life. Ask them to promise they will be OK if you have to leave. This is a tough call - again - if they are in danger - Call 911.

6. Here's one Robin would have been great at. 
Make them Laugh! 
Make fun of yourself if needed or watch something funny.  A TV show, YouTube video - whatever it takes. Sometimes laughter can be the best medicine. Just do not belittle them in the process.

Help Yourself
Change the Way You Look at Your Life

Pain
Sometimes the pain in your gut is so bad, you will do anything to stop it. 
Even Kill Yourself. The good news is - that pain is not permanent.

The Crying Game.
I think of myself as a pretty tough guy. But, I will tell you a secret. If I am in emotional pain - a wise man taught me to cry it out. Grab that pillow in the morning and let it go. That way you do not carry it around all day and can function in public. May have to do it at night to get to sleep too. Crying will help you get over it faster. We have tears for a reason -use them when needed. 

Suffering a Loss
Losing a loved one in death or divorce can be more painful than loosing a limb. Especially if children are involved. Don't let your heart fool you though. Think of people you know who went through a divorce. Some have even better lives than they did before and the kids are fine. 

It's gonna hurt for a while. Don't mask the pain with drugs and alcohol. That will just prolong the healing process. Cry it out. Getting those feelings out in a healthy way will actually speed up the process of recovery.

One Thing you can count on! 
It's been said - the only thing in life that is constant is "Change"
If things are bad - they can't stay that way forever.

Life's a Slot machine.
If you keep pulling the handle - and don't quit, you can not lose. I am not suggesting you feed the one arm bandits in Vegas. I am reminding you that life works the same way. You do not have a bad day everyday. In fact - if you have a few in a row - mathematically - you are due for a good one. Look forward to it.  It's like money in the bank. "Wow this week sucked! Can't wait for next week."

New Behavior is Key
You can not keep doing negative things and expect positive results. You can however, expect good results from good behavior. You may not get results right away - but you will soon. (See Slot Machine Above).  

Depression
Avoid depression like a deadly virus (It can be deadly, but it is curable.) How? By doing positive things. Surround yourself with positive input whenever possible - and rejecting or avoiding negative thoughts or people. That does not mean we should reject constructive criticism. Simply remember that you are not perfect. Don't be crushed or angered when you are reminded of that. - being wrong is not a big deal. Being right all the time is way too much work anyway. 
 
Avoid Bully's
If someone is constantly putting you down - avoid them at all costs. You do not have to confront them - just make a believable excuse and don't be afraid to say no! No one has the right to force negative programing on you. You don't put your fingers in a blender. Don't let anyone abuse your heart or mind either.


Clock Out
If you are dealing with a difficult problem - set aside time to deal with it - when you are rested. Let's say  you set aside 2 hours on Saturday to address it. Work on it Sat for those 2 hours -then Clock Out and get on with your weekend. You may have to schedule time again Monday to deal with it, etc, till you find a solution. Worrying about anything 24/7 will drive anyone crazy. Knowing that you are addressing it will allow you to take a much needed mental break from a pressing issue. 

Sleep
Sleep deprivation is an epidemic. We all need 8 hours - Period! Kids need 10. It is impossible to make good decisions when you are tired. Never made an important decision when you are not rested.  Your body also needs sleep to get rid of toxins in your body. Sleep is the cornerstone of good Physical and Mental health.

Steer Clear of Trouble
Your mind is like a car. Steer it out of trouble. You know what brings you down. Thinking about certain people or events can trigger depression. Pull off that freeway. You also know drugs or alcohol will put you in greater danger.  Don't take a depressant (alcohol) for depression! 
Do something positive this minute - this hour.  Watch a show that makes you laugh. Go get some sunlight in your eyes - it's an anti - depressant. Take a walk - exercise is an anti- depressant. Call someone that will listen. If you have no one to call - you do now:

Call 24/7 1-800-273-8255

They also have a chat line: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 

Ask For Help!
I lost everything I cared about in life 20 years ago. I Slit my wrist and laid down to die. I realized that was a selfish, needless act. I bandaged my arm and walked into the ER that day. Just talking to someone helped. I was released and went to work that night in a long sleeve shirt.
I made an appointment with a counselor the next day.  They taught me new behaviors that changed my life forever.  Once you realize there are things "You" are doing to make your life miserable - it is empowering. Hurts at first - but just knowing "You" can turn things around - can give you a fresh start and a whole new outlook on life.

We Become What We Do

Example: People think of you as a lazy bum that never works? You can change that in a few weeks. Get a job - show up and work hard. A week later you are now a hard worker that your employer and co-workers respect.  Looking for work is the hardest job of all. But if you work hard at it - take what you can get - its easier to get a better job - once you have one.  

Example: You're known as a "Selfish Jerk". OK, start listening to the needs of your friends and family. Start doing things that show you care about them and not just yourself. Next month they will start referring to you as "A really nice guy".

There are a million examples of how this works. You get the point. We were all created with free will and control our own destinies and behavior. If you think this conflicts with your are Christian - beliefs - read Genesis again - how could Adam and Eve rebel without free will? We are not puppets. You are powerful! Use that power to make your life and the lives around you better!

Save the Ipod
If you play a song on your Ipod you do not like - you do not throw away the Ipod! You delete the song. Think of yourself as the Ipod. You can load whatever you want onto your mind and heart. 
That new programing will change who you are and how you feel. 
 
Regret
This is probably the worst feeling in the world. If you feel it - you have a conscious - that's a good thing. Just don't over due it. Remember - God forgives you as soon as you ask him too. Forgive yourself. Think about what led to the action you regret. Then do your best not to repeat whatever you did wrong. That may mean changing who you hang out with or avoiding drugs and alcohol. Don't Try to Resist temptation - Avoid It!

The Victim Syndrome
Don't be a victim. A victim will use a past experience to justify hurting, lying or stealing from friends and family. Remember you are not alone. Thousands of children have been sold into prostitution by their own parents. Do they all steal or hurt other people? I know a young lady that was tortured and abused since she was a baby. She has learned to leave the past behind. She is still haunted from time to time by those memories - but she stays busy and rejects those thoughts when they come up. You can not be a victim and a victor. Choose the later as how you look at yourself. If you survived or overcame something - You Won! Now go help others to do the same. 

Don't rehash the experiences  you went through - every time you meet someone. That is not who you are now - make new memories and talk about the good things in your life now.

Don't Look Back
God could care less what you did in the past! Today and tomorrow is all that counts. 
Think about it. If you had a child that did wrong, told you they were sorry, then made an effort to change - would you support that effort as a parent? Would you expect less from your creator?

Atheist? No problem. This is "NOT" a religious blog. Take God out of the equation, Society and the Media have a short memory. Look how may crooks are on the best sellers list.  If you make a sustained change for the better - all will be forgotten. Just give it time. All your friends or family want to see is a positive change. Don't count on them to support you right away - trust is earned over time. But trust yourself - give yourself credit for your progress whether anyone else does or not. Don't look for praise or approval from people you know will say something negative. Let your actions speak louder than words. 

No One Can "Make" You Happy or Unhappy!
Imagine if you held onto your wife's or best friends collar - leaned all your weight on them. 
How long could they hold you up?  Not long!  If you are feeling suicidal - call a friend or 911 - it is important to reach out. Just realize - to avoid that situation in the future - you have to make changes. You have to do things to make yourself happy and your life better - yourself. There are support groups and counselors that can help you learn how to do that. Just realize you have to make the effort and put in the work. We all just want to be happy. You are in control of that - believe it or not. Maybe you just need a few tools and a little practice.

Love Yourself
If you saw a child being hurt - would you help them? There is a child inside of you. Help them! Protect them - be good to them. They deserve it!


The Sun Will Rise!
As Tom Hanks said in Castaway: 

"I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring? 

 -Rick Jansen